Kassim Mbarushimana

My father finished secondary school, but did not go to university. My mother attended secondary school, but she had to leave when she was 18 because her family could no longer afford to pay her school fees. I lived with my parents and was an only child. I remember how much my parents loved me. We used to play together, go on little holidays to other parts of Rwanda, have picnics together - just the three of us. My parents died before the genocide and I remained with my uncle until the genocide began.

The genocide began on the 6th of April 1994, after the President's plane was shot down and he was killed. On the 7th, a soldier from the Presidential Guard came to my grandmother's house, where I was staying for a holiday. He fired bullets at the door until it burst open. He came in and said "All of you, get over here in the living room." There were seven of us: me, my grandmother, my two aunts and their children. My grandmother pleaded with him "Please, forgive us. We are not Tutsi. Go and ask our neighbors. If they tell you that we are Tutsi, come back and kill us. If they tell you that we're not Tutsi, let us live."

Luckily, the soldier did not know that my entire family was Tutsi. The soldier was drunk, and he obviously could not think clearly. He agreed that he would go and ask our neighbors whether we were Tutsi, and threatened to kill us if they said yes. Then, he put his gun against my aunt's head; but because he was drunk, the gun slipped and he shot the bullet just over her head. She was holding her baby who had been born just the day before, and both of them were screaming. The soldier then left, taking with him everything of value in our home. A Hutu neighbor of ours who had sons in the Interahamwe [the Hutu militia] came to us that night and said "Come to my house, I will hide you." So we left our home and went to his house. Our neighbors kept our secret, and the soldier never found us. But after a month, the man who was hiding us said that he did not want to do so any more, and that we would have to find somewhere else to go.

Somehow, my family learned that someone we knew was working as a bus driver and evacuating the wives and children of the Presidential Guards from Kigali to Gitarama. My aunt contacted this driver, and asked if he would be able to take us to Gitarama. The driver told her, "If I take you to Gitarama, you must become my wife." To save her family, she agreed - she had no other choice. However, this marriage was just for his pleasure. Anytime he wanted to see her, he would come and get her. Sadly, the driver had AIDS. My aunt contracted the disease and eventually died. She sacrificed her life so that our family could be transported to Gitarama.

In Gitarama, we had no money for food and nowhere to stay. We were forced to sleep on the streets, even though there were Interahamwe everywhere. At night, the Interahamwe would often take away the women and girls so they could do bad things to them.

But the war in Gitarama escalated, and we were soon forced to move again. The same bus driver who had driven us to Gitarama agreed to drive my aunt and me to a safer zone. The rest of my family was left behind. During the journey, we were stopped by the Interahamwe at a road block. One of the Interahamwe came up to me, holding a club tipped with shards of broken glass. He struck me on the head with his club and I fell to the ground, as good as dead. Then the driver came over with his gun and shouted "Hey! What do you think you're doing to my child? If you don't leave my family alone, I'll kill you all!" And because the Interahamwe were armed only with simple farm tools instead of real firearms, they left us. That is why I'm still alive today.

The driver carried me back to the van, and drove us to the hospital. He did not tell the doctor that I had been attacked by the Interahamwe, because even the doctor would have had us killed. If a Tutsi had an accident, or was attacked by soldiers, there were doctors who would hand them over to the military to be killed. When I was released from the hospital, the driver drove us to Giseni, a town close to the border with the Congo. There, we came up against the Interahamwe again. This time, five of them kidnapped my aunt and gang-raped her.

Luckily, soldiers from the RPF [Rwandan Patriotic Front-a Tutsi-led opposition group] had advanced and soon arrived near Giseni. They had come to rescue Tutsis in that area and take them back to another zone. Because of the wound on my head, a soldier took me and my aunt back to Gitarama, which was now occupied by the RPF soldiers. There, we were given food and medical care, but had no idea what had happened to the rest of our family. After the RPF gained control of Kigali [the capital city], my aunt and I returned home. There we found my grandmother and cousins. We had a big party. My aunt and I thought that they had been killed, and they thought we had been killed.

It was not until after the genocide that I discovered that the Interahamwe had murdered my uncle, who had been my sole source of support. He has since been buried at the Genocide Memorial Museum in Kigali, along with 250,000 other victims of the genocide. After the genocide, I went to live with my grandmother. We were very poor because all of the people who used to help my grandmother were dead.

After my uncle died, I felt completely alone and life became very bad. I had no parents and no siblings. After the genocide, many other children got into drugs, gangs and prostitution. But I didn't want to get involved in that, so I spent most of my time alone, thinking about how I would find my next meal. When I was younger, I absolutely loved to play football. I also loved to sing and listen to music. But when my parents died, I stopped doing anything. I stopped playing any games because of the sadness I was feeling. I just wanted to be alone.

With financial help from FARG [a survivors' relief group], I was able to attend secondary school. I was a day student until my third year of secondary school, but that wasn't a good situation. My grandmother didn't have the money to pay for school, clothes and food. I got up every morning and went to school, but when I came home at noon there would be nothing to eat. So I decided to go to a boarding school that FARJ paid for, and where I studied law and administration. I loved studying law because, having seen people killing others and people suffering because of others, I realized how important it is.

I also knew I needed to study hard, no matter how difficult it was. Here in Africa, people who don't study don't have good lives. I knew I had no parents and no one else to help me. The only way to help myself was by studying. which might help me learn how to fight the problems we face. However, FARJ could not sponsor me beyond secondary school, and I could not afford to go to university. Finally, I was told about Orphans of Rwanda. My application was successful, and I started university in January 2007 and am studying law.

After university, I hope to find a good job and have a big family I also love children and would like to set up an orphanage like the one at Gisimba. I would teach other orphans never to think that they are alone, and to avoid drugs or prostitution. Many orphans feel that they have no other choice.

With God's help, we won't have any more war in Rwanda. I see signs that life in Rwanda is changing, and think that this could become a great country.