Jacqueline Nyirazirije

I was born in Nyamata on December 11, 1984. Before the war, my father was a driver. He had a secondary school education. My mother was a business woman. She sold corn, potatoes, and beans in a small shop. She had only finished primary school. I had two little brothers, one big sister and one younger sister. I cannot remember their ages. One of my brothers and I were the onlyfamily members to survive the genocide in Rwanda.

During my childhood, I was close to my father. He would bring me little gifts, like candies, and carry me around on his back. I will never forget these precious moments. I liked to play with my little brothers and sisters and I used to sing songs with my father. I don't like to sing anymore because it reminds me of him.

Remembering the war is still very emotional for me and I cannot talk about it. Immediately after the genocide, I was taken in by a family and I lived with them for a while. The family took me to Gisimba Memorial Center (GMC) to ask for help. GMC took me in and helped me. After I had lived there for one year, another family adopted me and I lived with them in Kimironko, a neighborhood of Kigali, for 8 years until my adoptive mother died. While I lived with them, I completed secondary school in a town called Gitarama with a concentration in humanities. For two years after graduation I worked as a dorm mother at my secondary school.

I will never forget the adoptive family I lived with during secondary school. I was very close to the mother before she died. She was very nice to me and took very good care of me. Because of her kindness, my secondary school experience was very good. This was a very important time for me. She loved me very, very much. Her death and the death of my father are two of the most painful memories from my childhood.

I was close to my dorm mother in secondary school, but school was difficult for me because I was an orphan. Orphans never have an easy time in school. I lost not only my parents, but my aunts and uncles as well -- none of them survived the genocide. My little brother was adopted by a family as well and grew up in Nymata. The family he was with was not as nice as mine but he still lives with them. However, he was unable to go to secondary school.

I often visit my brother and the family he is living with. I try to buy him things like clothes because I am the only family that he has left and I am responsible for him. But it is not easy to take care of him because I do not have a job and never have enough money. Currently, he is idle - he does not go to school and is unable to find a job.

In secondary school I worked hard to pass my exams. I was driven because I knew I was responsible for myself and my younger brother. I had to pass because I had to prepare for my future. In secondary school, I chose humanities because I was interested in societal problems in Rwanda. In university, I have chosen to study sociology for the same reason. I am interested in studying the process of reconciliation between social groups in Rwanda, specifically reconciliation between the three ethnic groups - Tutsi, Hutus and Twa. I want to study how we can put to rest the social problems that caused the war. When I finish my university studies, I want to continue working to address conflict within Rwandan society.

I am currently in my first year at Kigali Independent University (ULK). University is quite different from secondary school. In university, the professors focus a lot more on research and expect students to work more independently. Also, unlike secondary school, university courses and exams are given in French and English and, for me, they are difficult. I struggle with some specific classes, such as statistics. Outside of class, I visit my neighbors and colleagues to discuss social issues. For some people, it is very difficult to talk about the genocide and other social conflicts, but for others, it's easier. However, many people have still emotional problems stemming from the genocide.

I also try to research the problems faced by orphans. I like visiting orphans at foster homes and helping them to manage their problems, which are very similar to mine. Friends in my classes help me identify families who are caring for orphans and I often go to visit them after school. After talking with them, I compare their problems to mine so that I can help them resolve their problems. It is very important for me to do this because I feel a responsibility for the plight of other orphans. I know that I cannot have children now and that I must not spend time in bars; instead, I must put all my efforts into preparing for my future. Ever since my mom and dad died, I have known that my success or failure rests on my shoulders alone. This is particularly the case now, because I am the head of my family.

I hope that war and the genocide will never happen again in Rwanda. Rwandan children must study the history of the genocide, to learn why it happened and why it must never happen again.